11 tips for those who want to make a life change but don't dare

How self-confidence, courage and creativity are connected

Brave isn't something you are, it's something you do.

The other day I was talking to a friend, a new sister in my life that I have a habit of collectiong. We haven't known each other for more than half a year, but we found each other immediately and share the passion for artistic and creative expression -  the more the better (contrary to what others have tried to convinvce me over the years - "you have to focus on ONE thing!").

We are the same age, that is 50+, which seems to be an age where many people start to think that it is close to retirement and that it is probably too late to change the saddle. For both me and her, it's just the opposite, the only thing that stops you from trying new things and developing your spectrum of expression is that there are only 24 hours in a day after all, and that some things simply cost money that is not always available. I myself need some sleep too, which I don't think is the case for my friend...

During our last conversation, she told me that she will now start studying again. Exactly what kind of education it will be is not entirely clear, but it is about writing. This remarkable woman is already involved in interior design, product development, styling, construction projects, photography, art, design and probably more things that I have forgotten or don't even know about. She has already done some work with writing and language, proofreading and editing books. And now it's time to take the next step and seriously immerse yourself. When we talk about this, I get a sinking feeling of happiness in my stomach because it sounds so fun and I also immediately want to start studying, maybe art science that I've been thinking about for so long!

What a great say-yes-to-life-champion!

As we do these days, she created a post on social media where she talked about this new path in life and how happy she was for it to become a reality. I read and rejoiced again. What a woman! What a great say-yes-to-life-champion! Puzzlingly, it shows that not everyone reacts that way. Several have gotten in touch and wondered if she knows what she's doing, if she's thought this through, if it's not too late to start studying, if it's really possible to make a living from writing, if she can even get a meaningful job. And so on. I mean..what? Here we have a person who should serve as a role model for the rest of humanity with her outlook on life and then she is treated like this? Why?

How I choose to live my life is the most important thing of all.

The saddest thing I can think of is approaching the end of life knowing that I wanted to do different things but I gave up because I didn't dare. I only have one life, that I know of. That life cannot be repeated and it is not a rehearsal. Cliché but very true. Since I'm not a believer in the traditional sense, I don't go around thinking that I have to be a good person to be rewarded in the next life, or in heaven or wherever. I would like to be a good person for those I have around me in this life and actually for my own sake. I am important to me. I mean a lot to me and how I choose to live my life is the most important thing of all.

I, like so many other women, have spent my entire life taking responsibility for others - practically and emotionally. I am an expert at taking responsibility for other people's feelings and have difficulty setting boundaries with those closest to me. I'm good at changing things up in a flash if one of them senses that they need me for something. I'm practicing this thing about boundaries but it's hard for me. When I have now, after turning 50, taken the freedom to do what I love and want, without compromise, it is also only myself who is responsible for navigating my way through old and new behaviors. Both with myself and those around me. It's breathtakingly beautiful and damn scary. Unpleasant at times. Almost impossible. I have to redo and do it right. Or at least different.

I like that others see me as brave, as someone who dares.

Personally, I have almost only received a lot of encouragement, cheers, support, nice comments and love since I made my decision to leave my previous safe job and invest in my dream. It means everything! What I get told most of all is that I am brave. Of course it makes me happy and proud of myself, I like to be brave. I like that others see me as brave, as someone who dares. That's cool and important!

But. A little while ago I had a digital conversation with another sister who is an amazing artist - in her spare time, so to speak. The conversation was precisely about boundaries, limitations and who actually sets them for us. She said that she would like to invest more in art but that she is not as brave as I am. To which I replied, without really knowing where it came from, that "courage is not something you are, it is something you do". Afterwards, I thought a lot about that. What does that really mean? Is it true? What IS courage and how is one brave?

This is how it says in the Swedish Academy's Glossary:

Courage noun ~et

1 bravery; Courage; take courage gather moral strength to fight on

2 state of mind: at ease ; uncomfortable

And this is what it says in the Swedish Dictionary

who can act without fear of consequences both in terms of physical and psychological fearlessness, e.g

I think that actually confirms my thesis that it is an active action that is required. That you make a decision to do something you want (preferably) despite the fact that it feels scary, unpleasant or perhaps irrational plus that it can actually involve a risk. To be afraid and feel trepidation but to overcome it because the will and longing to go to work is stronger.

When I submitted my resignation letter, I felt physically ill.

When I quit my professional life at the big trucking company, with a safe, predictable existence with a nice salary and nice colleagues, it wasn't because I'm naturally brave and it was just a push of a button. Not. At all. I did it even though I was terrified. When I submitted my resignation letter, I felt physically ill. Once I was even about to withdraw it. But I didn't do that and today, two and a half years later, I can say with conviction that it is one of the best decisions I have made in my life. IT WAS BRAVELY DONE! I WAS not brave, I made a choice without fear of the consequences.

You could possibly say that I am quite fearless. And then we're not talking about fearless as in adventurous on a physical level. I have zero desire to venture outside my head, so to speak. Mountain climbing, hot air ballooning, backpacking and motorcycling are not for me. I can understand the allure on a theoretical level but I REALLY don't want to challenge myself that way. And that's totally fine. My fearlessness is about something else. Like for example exploring my creativity. Or to start a network and hold workshops on feminism and sisterhood. There is no fear here, only desire and drive.

Another person might love hanging upside down in a cable car over a gorge but is terrified to talk about their innermost thoughts and feelings. We are different.

In my world, I feel that women are creative. Artistically and in other ways. We are solution-oriented and quickly find ways to make life work for ourselves and our loved ones. Many are artistically creative in different ways - often more than one - there is a closeness to creation in a kind of intuitive and sensitive way. What is often missing is confidence. And it permeates everything in the creative process. From not even starting the creation for fear of "making a mistake" to not daring to show off what she has created for fear of what others might think.

Women have long been raised and schooled not to stick out their chins. Please is good, we should be the best at that. Being bumpy and scratchy is less good. To be seen and taken for granted without asking permission is not something we girls are encouraged to do. Maybe that is about to change, I hope so. After all, I have mostly women of the same age around me, but I also have a young adult daughter. We talk about a lot - everything, I think - but I'm not present in all her different rooms where she interacts with others so I don't know everything about how she and her peers act. So my experiences and observations are based on my own sphere.

Since we started our network, or movement, Systerskapa! a year ago, I have talked and written with many women. Many express a desire to be more creative, to take their creation to a new level, a desire to own their time and take the direction of their life to a greater extent. Just as many express feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-confidence. Want to but don't dare. A strong longing to express who you are but the fear that it won't be good, right or enough wins the tug of war. Safety is crucial. That security can be several things: financial, of course, but just as often the security found in not sticking your chin out and taking instead of giving.

Courage, creativity and self-confidence are closely linked.

For me, courage, creativity and self-confidence are closely linked. Perhaps rather a circular movement without beginning or end. Approved creativity creates self-confidence that provides the conditions for brave choices that give room for more creativity.

Only you know exactly what it might look like for you. I can give some pointers on things you can do to make the process easier.

1. Socialize with like-minded people. People who give you energy and can have a real conversation, without prestige.

2. Write. Get yourself a nice notebook and write down everything you need. Define what you want for yourself - in writing. The effect of the connection between hand and brain is undeniable.

3. Meditate. Doesn't really need any further explanation. The effect of meditation is now proven - the gray matter in the brain increases with regular meditation. Even short moments.

4. Physical activity. Endorphins are the shit.

5. Practice not bargaining with yourself. Express your will and stand for it - in front of yourself and others.

6. Be clear - to yourself and others.

7. Practice saying no without explaining why the next time you feel like you're about to go against your will. (My most difficult branch by far!)

8. Create your own time to do what you want. A week has 160 hours so there is probably time even if your inner voice says otherwise. If you dream of painting, do it for 15 minutes if you don't have more time. That's enough to kick start the system.

9. See yourself as an inspiration to others. Girls and women need role models to see what is possible.

10. Spend time in nature and feel free to stop and pet a tree every now and then.

11. Stop scrolling through social media or stream series. That time is just wasted and also creates stress. Full stop.

These 11 tips in one way or another create space for the soul to grow, thoughts to form and eventually many small building blocks have become a platform to stand on. Or why not a scene where you yourself are the protagonist your own story?

If you think that this text has given you something of value and want more of that, there is Systerskapa where we explore sisterhood as a way to develop as a person and a woman in a safe and supportive environment.

Live well!

Madeleine