Are you or someone else standing in your way?
Yes, who is actually standing in the way of your own development and change? Now, if you feel that neither you nor anyone else does, but you are completely satisfied with your life and your life choices, then maybe you don't need to read this. But of course you are most welcome to read it anyway!
Sistership! has its own Facebook group moderated by myself and Karin. Every week we post something that we call the Reflection of the Week and the idea with it is to start reflections, thoughts, feelings and conversations - both with oneself, with one's surroundings but also in the group. We learn from each other and even though we have many similar experiences, each conversation is unique and always gives you a new perspective and something unexpected to think about.
Since we opened the doors to Systerskapa! seven musings have been posted on the page:
- Are you giving too much?
- Who do I want to be?
- Is what you want the same as what you need?
- How do I take care of myself?
- Is there a collective lack of confidence
- What does your self-talk sound like?
- Do you put men in the way?
It has taken some time for the talks to get going. It is completely understandable for several reasons. A new group - what are its ambitions? Do I have time for this? Is it a safe place? Do I have enough energy to participate?
The conversations have slowly started to grow. There are still a handful of people participating but slowly they are getting more. We grope a little, sense, search.
The interesting thing is that for me there are certain things that come up that are a clear confirmation that this group and this initiative are needed. And it is crystal clear that we MUST relearn and break a lot of old ingrained patterns. If we want something to be different in the world.
Here are some observations on the answers to the seven questions:
Fear of appearing vulnerable
There is a fear of being vulnerable and be seen. Even in a private forum with women only. Despite the fact that Sistership! is a forum that came into being precisely for the reason that we should be able to feel safe to speak openly in order to be able to develop ourselves and the conversations, there is a fear of sharing one's own experiences, thoughts, feelings. It makes me sad and a little confused. What makes us feel that we don't really dare to be vulnerable, open and honest? I know that some have been stabbed in the back by other women. Of course, you become afraid and wary of such things. Completely understandable. But how can we then be able to talk about what is real and be able to bring about change, if we don't dare, again and again?
Difficult to write about what feels important
Some people find it difficult to write, difficult to formulate. Why do we refrain rather than tell them we think it's hard and try anyway? Perhaps one can show others that "I find it hard to express myself in writing, but I do it anyway because what I want to say feels important".
The guilty conscience
We are overflowing with guilty consciences. Some of us are better at taking care of ourselves than others. Without having a bad conscience. What we have in common seems to be that we are 50+, have grown-up children and are single again after 1-2 marriages. But many, too many, testify that their own health or well-being comes, if not at the very bottom of the list, then definitely not at the top. And even if we prioritize doing nice things just for ourselves, it's almost always paired with a bad conscience because we did it. In the 2020's.
Our inner dialogues
Our self-talk naturally sounds different to different individuals. What often seems to be in common is that it is not too pretty. The inner dialogue is often about not being good enough, not being enough, not believing that you are something...Here, however, we seem to be undergoing a change, to my delight. Some fight against domination techniques and abuse of power and use self-talk to avoid falling into the trap. Someone talks to themselves as a tool to analyze and evaluate situations that arise. My own inner dialogue is incredibly scattered, but through active work I have made it shift from often being a bit melancholic and brooding to being loving towards myself with a focus on what makes me feel good. It works. With a lot of meditation and life choices that aren't always easy.
So can draw any conclusions from this?
I think so. As I began this post, my firm belief is that Sistership! is needed. We need to practice and learn to share what prevents us from living the life we want, to do what develops us and through that have the strength and courage to break patterns and do things differently. Because we have to, we have to DO differently if it's going to BE different. We must dare to challenge ourselves and our surroundings. Be uncomfortable. We need to endure a bad atmosphere and stay in it without smoothing over things to make everyone feel good. With a strong sisterhood in your back, it becomes, if not easier, at least less unpleasant. We need each other. We want you to feel that you can get support in Sistership! and be able to land softly in your change process. Because the fact is that we often stand in the way of ourselves. Some of us put a man in the way most of the time, but even that is something that can be changed.
If you want access to more thoughts and conversations about how this can be done, in a safe and defined room, you are most welcome to join one of our workshops, or Sister Circles , as we call them. We are a maximum of 10 women and during 3 hours we create the conditions for our own continued work and contact with a growing sisterhood network. Send an email to systerskapa@gmail.com if you want to join!
The Facebook group is private and you only search Systerskapa! and apply to join.
Do you want to know more about us - me and Karin and our vision? Read more here!